Becoming a mother softened my appearance. By soften I mean: I took out my ear plugs
(9/16) [because my lobs get very loose; the plugs fall out in bed; hazard for co-sleeping baby] I stopped getting pierced and tattooed often; I needed all my antibodies for babies growing inside me and it takes forever to heal when you breastfeed. And I had to dress more normally... Because plaid mini skirt and muffin tops are just gross! And the many band t-shirts I own are still way too small! I've also stopped attaching synthetic dreadlocks to my hair. It's heavy and I grew out hating synthetic stuff.
But right now, I feel the need to go back to an alternative look. I feel the need for people to know that I might not have just the regular opinions on things. I want to reflect openmindness. I actually want to deter all those that wouldn't want to talk to me because of the way I look.
Because I honestly feel I wouldn't want to talk to them anyway, if they don't want to talk to me. Is that rude?
I want the outside to reflect the inside. I want to get stared at. I want to get questions. I want to mark people and inspired them to look different as well.
I want to see if people can get past my look and try to know me for who I am.
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| I've finished my cowl, yay! |
As some of you might have read it in the last posts, we have a place we go to in the afternoon where old ladies rock your babies while you drink a coffee with other moms, chit chatting. We've been going to that place for 5 months now and we have a group of regular that is getting to know each other pretty well. From that time I've been "soft-looking". They know we have very little plastic in our home, that we cloth diaper, co-sleep, that I had my pregnancies followed by midwifes, that I don't want to put my daughter at daycare and doesn't intend to go to work. I didn't drop the "homeschool" bomb yet- the subject never came.
But yesterday I've put back horns in my ears.
Those, so you get the idea. They are kind of heavy and loud. And I have my newly dreadlocked hairs tied back. And you know what?
I actually saw a difference. I had less "talking time" allowed, so to say. You know when people looks away when you are speaking to them, as to seek for another conversation they could slip into?
It always hurts my feeling a bit, but that's what I wanted, right?
I got my answer.
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| joining Ginny once again, in a late fashion... |
I'm sorry that happened to you. People can be ridiculous about appearance. Piercings, tattoos and hair do not change who a person is and shouldn't change how they are treated. I used to be much more pierced than I am and I can remember people being very distant from me and obviously judging. Today my hair is a nice "natural" color, I only have my nose ring, plugs (00) and an industrial in my left ear and still occasionally run into issues. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI've personally always had more of a hippy look, but having kids also somehow made me "normalize" my appearance. It's easy to loose yourself when your taking care of little ones all the time. My oldest is now 5 and I'm just starting to really wear things, and ultimately feel like my old self again. And you know what, it feels great!
ReplyDeleteI think you look absolutely beautiful! And the ones around you who really matter the most will surface to leave the judgmental people behind. The more you do things to feel like yourself again, the happier you will be inside and the good people will notice and be that much more attracted to your personality. I say go for it Andreann!
Sois toi-meme :)
Stephanie
I don't find you rude at all. I feel the same way. The funny thing is that my "look" is the totally oposite side of the spectrum (long skirts and dresses only, long hair in braid or bun, very conservative) and I get the same response. I would love to sit and have a cup of coffee or tea with you and talk about attachment parenting, cloth diapering, co sleeping, long term breast feeding, homeschooling and more.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Elizabeth
I think you are beautiful. If you can't be yourself around them, they aren't really friends is the conclusion that I have come to. Interesting to me that i can hear your post here telling the world that you lost a bit of yourself in motherhood. I can relate completely! I, like Elizabeth, would love to sit and converse about all sorts of things... dreadlocks or not!
ReplyDeleteI don't find you rude at all! People can be so awful about the way someone dresses/does their hair/expresses themselves and I've never understood it. I'm somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, with long natural colored/unstyled hair, my gauged ears and nose ring and numerous tattoos. I sometimes dress like a hippy in flowing colorful skirts and sometimes in jeans, a tshirt for a metal band and big stompy boots - but no matter which way I'm dressed there's always at least one person in a group who is odd about me.
ReplyDeleteI've stopped caring, because as you said: if they don't want to talk to me, it's ok. I probably don't want to talk to them either!
P.S. I think you're beautiful, momma. :)
I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. My appearance has definitely normalized since having kids. Especially since I had the last two so close together. But, now that the baby is a little older and weaned off the breast, I really find myself wanting to express myself on the outside once again. I want to show that I am not just a mom, but I am me! Like you said, I want the outside to reflect the inside. So, I gave myself a mohawk, then shaved my head. I got another lip piercing, I'm starting to stretch my ears larger 9 up to an inch) and I'm getting tattooed in a couple of weeks.
ReplyDeleteAs for the general moronic public, its unfortunate that people stare, make assumptions and act rude. But, you're obviously better off without such close minded people. You are such an awesome person! Be true to yourself. I'd rather be myself and happy then bend to the will of others expectation and be completely unfulfilled and unhappy.
Be yourself, no matter what other people think. You can consider it your duty to show the people in your town that a person can be intelligent, caring, creative and have "funny hair".
ReplyDeleteI don't know anything about knitting, but that cowl looks really, really good for a nearly-first project. Congratulations!