That's my keyword for this week: INTENSE.
Not as in, we did so much stuff... Intensity is in ourselves. It's the word I've been given to describe Mariann and my own self, and our relationship. We are so very much intense. We are so very much the same. We live our emotions so deeply. We can both be hugging and laughing to find ourselves yelling at each other, blood rushing in our ears the next second.
We are strong willed. Oh, we know what we want, and what we don't. And this week, there was a lot of " I don't want to share!", "I don't want to eat!" and mostly, "I don't want to sleep!!" that piled up to give us a sleep deprived 3 year old that, in the end, didn't really knew what she wanted (but she wanted it NOW!).
But having an intense daughter, when you are yourself intense, is not the worst scénario. Add another sleep deprived baby PLUS an over-working sleep deprived Papa PLUS a whole week of body telling you that those evra stamp (hormonal contraception) is doing the same thing than regular pills (getting you sick, like vomiting and fever and muscle pain) and you end up with a pretty bad week (and weekend).
This little Élie contrasts so much with my kids. She's my little earth whereas Merrick is pure fire and Mariann, just like me, is the water that can sit still under the sky, and suddenly start purring down, with no warning, making sky and ocean undissociable.
I need to learn to myself to calm down in order to learn to Mariann how to do it. Else, we're stuck in this huge tsunami that never ends.
look after yourself mama, you're the one holding all this together so make sure that your needs are being met. Sending you big supportive hugs Laura x
ReplyDeleteOh, Andréann, I often wonder if you know what a good writer you are? So many of your blog posts are wonderful little essays that I read and then read again just for the pleasure of it. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteAll mothers should understand their relationships with their children as well as you do yours. I know it must seem like a hurricane around you sometimes, but that's okay as long as you are the calm eye at the centre of the storm.
Your identification of your elemental natures is very revealing. I'm curious what Papa is. Earth?
Papa... He's like the warm breeze that tells you summer is coming, or the scent in the air that warns you from future rain. He's that huge blow that push you further than you're expected, and he can be the crazy weave that bends the tree. Papa is definitely Air.
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