Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Building a Family when you lack role models

I often read about Mamas that are ever so thankful to their moms, grandmothers, teachers, etc.... And wonderful dad, grand-dad they had, how much they all learned them important things that made you who you are.
I grew up without any grand-parents (those still alive were not close at all). I grew up without any dad. Not even a step-dad. I grew up without siblings. I went into a daycare that didn't care much for me (and I remember it), went to a school with poor teachers. My mom didn't have a wide range of friends to rely to, and the painful divorce of my uncle shred in
pieces the only model of the ideal family I had.

Some woman create a family to recreate what they had; I do so I can finally have what I never had. And my way.

That the tricky part. I love my mom, my in-law and my aunt dearly... But I constantly have to explain my choices! It seems like I do nothing like they did. I'm breastfeeding longer... None of them would have been able to sleep with their babies. My mom uses way too much salt when she cooks... No naughty corner for Mariann when she does something "wrong". So then that's why I'm tired, and that's why she doesn't listen, and that's why Merrick is "glued to me"(and it's such a bad thing).

I know I would not react to an insomniac anxious 9 yr old by threating her to go to the asylum if she doesn't get to sleep.

I know I'm all criticizing the very hard and important work of being a Mother. My mom did the best out of the situation she was in and the tools she had.

I'm just jealous of those of you who have lovely memories of their childhood and all the persons that was there for them.

I remember a few of those lovely times. I remember the way my (diseased) aunt was methodically washing her dishes, just like I do now.

Mostly I remember the Women of my life, alone with their accidents, left, betrayed by a man they loved, struggling to survive the best they could in something they didn't want. I remember feeling like I was too much, and not as important as an adult to be listened to. I remember feeling alone and not good enough. I remember feeling like I was a chore, a responsibility so huge... I had to work on that, a lot. Don't worry, I have some self-esteem now.

So all of this, those are the things I surely don't want to recreate.

I wanted this family so much, I will live it to the max, hoping I'm not failing my goal:
My children will look back at their childhood and say "I was a very happy children, loving life, and so is the adult I became".


  1. I think you are doing a wonderful job. Your children are happy and healthy and that is the most important thing. They are loved, they give and recieve that love. Ive been a reader of your blog for a while now and I have to admit, the way you are raising your children I think is amazing, look at all those toys and clothes and bags you create with your own hands thats talent, something which I know not many people do.
    You keep doing it your way, because thats the right way for your family, don't ever second guess yourself and never take on bord someone else negative comments or the whole 'thats why or in my day or we never did that' good for them that was their way your doing it yours and as far as I can tell, its a damn good way and a brilliant way to raise you beautiful family x

  2. All I can say is I commend you for raising your family in a loving, nurturing way, and for sticking to your guns about your parenting choices. Your family is gorgeous, there's the proof that you are doing it right! :-)

  3. I don't have children myself, but I am proud of you for raising your children in a way that you truly believe in and not letting anyone talk you out of it. Your children will never question your love for them, never wonder if they were special or if you wanted them. They will grow up and be able to look back at a loving and happy childhood filled with discovery and family. That in itself is something wonderful.

    P.S. I can understand the low self esteem, though mine came from a different circumstance. I hope knowing how talented, honest, loving and amazing you are will help you on your journey towards building it back up and healing. Because, you are wonderful.

  4. Andreann - this post pulled at my heartstrings. I did grow up with an ideal childhood & parents, and I know I take it for granted.

    What a gift for you to give to your children, such intentional parenting, following your own wise inner voice. They are, and will be, so fortunate.

  5. Andreann, you are such a brave and strong woman, to build a life and family based not on examples and a way already paved for you, but by your own ideals and where you heart calls you to. I applaud your strength and courage!


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I'm a 23 yr old mommy of two little pixies, sharing my life with my best friend. We live in La Belle Province, French is our first language. In the middle of nursing and caring for a toddler's need, I sew, draw, paint, and take pictures to tell. We also struggle to live an healthy life, apparently surrounded by people that doesn't care much, and we're on budget, too!


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