Saturday, June 11, 2011

Choosing to stay at home.

Now that I spend my weekdays afternoons with a wide range of moms, I can tell you that daycare is a very, very hot topic. Seems like when the baby hit 4 month old, the only goal in those mom's life is to find a place in daycare for when the baby get 8 month or 1 year old. The place are very limited around here, and unfortunately, they often opt for a person they only met once, even if they have a "bad feeling" because they "have no choice". Yes you do!

When we get on this topic -at this point, they saw and know that my almost 3 year old never went to daycare- I'm lost for word, because I'm scared of sounding disrespectful... like if I tell my opinion it'll be like I wouldn't mind my own business. Because, frankly, I don't get why a mom of 2 littles would get her older baby into daycare while she's at home with the baby on her maternity leave...More of, I don't get why she'd start sending both so that the baby get used to it, and she'd have more time for herself.

And I know it's hard sometimes to have both at home. Because I do. 24/7.

In Québec, the daycare system work in such way that the government pays a part of the fee... something like 2/3 of the fee. I'd rather see this money spent for a mono-parental mom that has no other way to earn money rather than a mom that is on her maternity leave (paid by the government) sending her toddler so she can enjoy her baby, while daddy is working full time, too.

Last week I've been told, and it wasn't the first time, that staying home was easier for me. Since I never had a job, it was easier for me to "live without". Say we exclude the fact that we "live without" on purpose, her argument was that it's easier to me because we never lived on 2 salaries, and thus I'm used to have less. Basically she told me she didn't want to do any sacrifice... except being with her kids.

Because those woman mostly say they'd rather be at home, if they could. I believe them. And they can emotional saying so, with their eyes wet. Well I'm wondering what's stopping them. Why they can't live in a smaller house. Why they can't sell their second car. Why they can't move to a cheaper neighborhood. Why they really need the latest flat screen tv, so much cloths, etc....

I bought a dress today. For me. I felt bad about spending the 48$ on a dress, but Papa insisted. Apparently he can't stand maternity clothing anymore. I feel good in it, but I regret a bit not testing it for it's ease to breastfeed; the fabric doesn't stretch much but it's feasible.

It's to say, we don't have a lot of income, but we are healthy, and we manage to live on what we have. How come can I manage to buy most of our food organic while those 2-salaries-families spit on that because they say it's too expensive? Why do I get complemented on how well dressed my babies are each time we go out when I never bought a piece of cloth for them? Why do we have enough of money at the end of the month to buy ourself a treat (restaurant, shoes...) with, for now, no salaries?

Because I have 2 kids, the government sends me 200$ each month to help me pay for daycare. While I bank it each month, I'd rather like it be called help to care for your children yourself. The daycare system and maternity leave cost us a lot, why not taking this money and encourage mom to stay home?

Why is it that the women have such a need to fulfill a career that it's passing above her children?

...I could continue on, and start on other topics...But it's late and I wrote enough already. Please don't be scare to comment with what you think!


  1. I think, at least here in America, that the feminist movement is still so fresh in our minds, and still needed in some cases, that we have almost developed a society that looks down on stay at home mothers ( I say mothers instead of parents because there is starting to be a larger subculture of stay at home dads that seems to not fall victim to this- or at least this specific stigma). Luckily there are a lot of moms who agree with you (me amongst them- we get by on one income just fine without daycare I stay home with the midgets) and there is starting to be a resurgence in the homemakers arts. Unfortunately though there are a lot of places here in the US that it is close to impossible to get by without 2 incomes. It is a difficult line mothers walk and it's awesome when we can stay home and be with our babies =).

  2. I'm annoyed by the extreme feminist mentality, mentioned by The Traveler, I don't like that some women look down on me for staying home. For me I consider myself a feminist, because the beauty of feminism is having the choice to stay home or go out to work, and I've made my choice.
    One income is a bit more difficult, and I know it will take us a bit longer to move. We are making it work though. Besides I'm working on starting a career from home and eventually if that takes off we might have two incomes anyway, and I won't have to sacrifice time with my daughter or any future children I may have.

  3. I envy stay at home moms and I don't even had kids yet! I just graduated with my Master's degree and I do intend to work when I have children. That said, I'll be working in a school district, so I'll have the same holidays and same basic hours that they do, once they're school age. My fiancee is currently unemployed due to the horrible job market down here, so I couldn't rely on his salary, as he has none, in order to be a stay at home momma (if I had kiddos).

  4. Amen to that! I had jobs before, and let me tell you that nothing can prepare you to be a stay at home mom, It is hard, every day, when you feel good or not, when you are sick or not. You are there with them.every.moment. But I loooooove it. I love my kids so much and I am blessed to be and see, to feel and listen, to watch and love. My husband is on paternity leave for now and we dont have much money. just enough. and I would never trade my days with the kiddos, even the harder one, for any jobs. never. Those who think we have it the easy way are so wrong, but we shoul not think about that...rather go play with the's way more fun. :)

  5. It can be hard both financially and emotionally to stay home, but I love it. During the school year, I am a substitute teacher on the days that the hubs is off. It's a nice little extra check that sure helps.

    Now, I will say this: if the US government paid us $200 a month for daycare I would do it! 1) for munchkin needs to be around more kiddos and 2) those few hours he's in daycare I would be back at Uni getting my MA.

    But since that is not an option for us, I will hold out for one more year when he's ready for pre-school and I have an empty house and I start thinking "now what?!"

  6. I am very lucky to have my children watched by either my husband (he works a rotating shift) or my parents, while I work. For us, we budget down to the last dollar, live in a tiny house, never go on vacation, and I can't remember the last time we had dinner out. I work just so that we can stay in our tiny house and not be in an apartment with no yard. I am severely hurt every time someone suggests we "cut back" so I can stay home - cut back what? You never know one person's situation completely unless you live it.

  7. First, as I told you today Andréann, I admire you for staying at home. I totally agree with Riceball Mommy. For me feminism is about having the choice to do what you want and what you can. I honestly could not be a long-term house mom. Not because I necessarily want a big career or more money but because I could simply not handle it. I am not a multitasker and cooking meals whiles entertaining my kids (and you know, preventing them from playing in the trash bin and licking the toilet water...) and trying to maintain, not a clean house, but at least prevent it from being a dump, is just unmanageable. If I live in some sort of community village where women do all their chores together while looking after all the kids, then yes, maybe it would be different. But alone in my occidental individualistic home, no, I can't handle it.

    I am currently on maternity leave and when I asked the daycare my toddler attends to if I could send her only part time when I would have the baby, I was relieved when they said I could lose her place if she skipped too many days. Am I ashamed of it? Yes. Do I feel guilty? Completely. But it is the truth. And I like the fact that it gives me time to bond with my newborn, to give her the same attention her sister had. My boyfriend works a weekend out of two (12 hours shifts) and things are getting smoother now that the youngest is reaching 6 months old (the oldest is 2 and a half), but the first few months, my toddler was reacting so strongly to her little sister that no matter who I was giving my attention to, it always felt like I was neglecting the other. Horrible feeling.

    Now, does not being able to look after both my daughters alone on a full time basis make me a bad mother? I guess it's arguable. I still breastfeed both of them. I co-sleep with my little one and I lie next to my toddler until she falls asleep each night. When my boyfriend is off during the week we keep the toddler at home at least one day and try to take her to day care late in the morning and pick her up early. And I know for sure that I would go straight to do a burnout if I was to stay at home full time alone with my beloved girls for a few weeks.

    I agree that most of the time, when a somebody says she has no choice but to go back to work, what they mean is that she and/or her partner are not ready to make the sacrifices for her/he to stay at home. But let's not forget that some of us are just not made to stay at home.


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I'm a 23 yr old mommy of two little pixies, sharing my life with my best friend. We live in La Belle Province, French is our first language. In the middle of nursing and caring for a toddler's need, I sew, draw, paint, and take pictures to tell. We also struggle to live an healthy life, apparently surrounded by people that doesn't care much, and we're on budget, too!


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