Tuesday, March 23, 2010

When you choose a different path

Becoming a mom was a choice. It happened on purpose, and luckily, really quickly (after 2 month only of tries!). I was 18 when the whole world saw me with that huge belly on my 4'11" frame. You couldn't mistake my pregnancy with being obese; all the weight was in the belly (and the very huge boobs).

People don't look at me the same if I'm grocery shopping with my BF, my MIL or my mom. For the first, everything is okay I guess. For the second, they assume she is the mom (you know, she's only 42 and looks younger...) and she's the one being asked the "stats" question about her baby; I become her oldest daugther... and with the last.. Oh, what I poor child I am, raising my kid with the only help of my mom who pays us grocery...

But I don't mind that. Really. But I realized this (starting our family earlier then other persons) was the beginning of my adult life as someone who won't follow the society's chosen path.

Here's what we should have done accordingly to Québec's society archetype:
1-Get a degree, 2-Find a job
3-Buy a car (preferably new)
4-Wait to be secured at this very job
5-Move with the Boyfriend should you have one. 6-Wait
7-Buy another new car. 8-Wait
9-Change Boyfriend (cause this one don't want to get engaged) at this state I should be 25-26,
10-Move with the new boyfriend. 11-Wait for a promotion
12-Buy the biggest TV I can, 13-Start looking for a home
14- Get Married, 15-Buy a house
16-Then I can start thinking of having babies, if the BF has a promotion. At this point I should be 32-33
17... Have difficulties trying to have babies and etc (I don't enter that subject because it's not true for everyone)

So... We did not want to wait. I truly hate going to school. I had good grades and love to learn... but public school isn't for me. I also didn't want to have school debt when having children so I'd have to work. I choose to by a mom. I am not a career woman. I hate people assuming I was just "not intelligent enough" to get a degree. Would a not intelligent enough little 14 yr old be fluent to speak in English when she never had anyone to practice with? (I live in a total French region) I was making my mom's class when she had to replace an English teacher! But due to the system, they couldn't spare me the English classes and I was forced to get there and do each and every little English exams, having 100% each time. I couldn't go to my speed. I was always held back. That's what I made choose #2: I'll home school my kids.

Oh my God(s)!
Everyone outside my boyfriend (which is totally with me) thinks I'm totally crazy. How will my kids socialize?

But it seems their arguments stops there.
Oh, my mom talked about being competent enough...(yes, that mom that asks me for help in correcting her student's art projects)

I personally never socialized in school. I was the alone child in the break time, eating alone in my corner, getting picked last in gym. People would talk to me to copy my answer or borrow a pencil. I was so lonely I ended up depressed and dropped out school. No one ever cared. Maybe a teacher or two...

Great socialization that was!

But since you have to finish secondary 5 to get any stupid job here, I went to the adult school the next year. Oh what a change!
Bit I had to re-do all my 5 sec. year class... I thought I could do it in no time, and I was right!
As I entered the English class, I asked (in English) If I could do the exam right away. The teacher first asked me why I was here, which I replied I was sick, then she said of course and proposed me to take the exam for the next level as well so I can get my credits.
That way I did 2 grades of math, French, biology, physic, ecology, and other stuff in the time of 2 months.
And I thought: If only I could have done all my studies that way!

well that's what I want to give to my children; an education at their rhythm. There's not only school were a child can socialize.


  1. In my opinion, there is not much wrong with trying to find one's own way instead of doing what "you are supposed to do".

    I have 3 sisters.
    The eldest dropped out of school to marry, has worked odd jobs and has 2 wonderful kids (the first was born when she was 18), a house and a lovely dog.
    The second finished school, held odd jobs, married, has a wonderful baby, is a full-time mother and has been renovating a house for the last few years.
    The youngest one (I come inbetween) trained for a job, got reasonable employment, married, took in a foster child and is currently trying to work as a freelance photographer.
    And me... I studied, moved in with my boyfriend and am looking forward to our 2 cats (which will move in with us at the end of the week). No marriage plans, no precise plans concerning kids.

    Now, you tell me, which one is the "correct" way? (^v^) We may discuss different options among ourselves, but we know that no way of life is more or less valid than the others.

    Concerning homeschooling - well, I would wait and see how my kid turns out to be and ask him/her what he/she thinks of the whole thing. (In Germany it is much more difficult to homeschool your kids, so I never gave it a second thought, but regarding school choices, I would not make any decisions without asking for the child's opinion.)

  2. I became a mother at 17, quite by accident. I am no longer with his dad. But, I have to say that it was the best thing to happen to me! I owe my life to my children. They make unbelievably happy. I revel in my motherhood. Yes, it is difficult being a stay at home mom, student and wife. But, I truly believe I was made to be a mother. I love creating and children are one of the most wonderful creations ever!

    Screw what you are "supposed to do". Do what makes you happy and feels right to you. From what I can tell, you are an amazing and happy mother. Woman double your age could take a lesson or two from you! Sometimes, age really has nothing to do with being a good mommy or not.

  3. Salut ( jespère que sa te dérange pas que je t'écrive en français )
    je suis tombée sur ton blog par hassard ( pas celui-ci l'autre avec toute les créations de coutures j'adore ton grille pain il est magnifique, j'adore ton concepte c'est la première fois que je vois quelque chose comme sa.
    J'ai survoler ton blog et je suis tombée sur ce message-ci. Je trouve sa génial de vouloir éduquer tes enfants toi même à la maison, tu as 100% raison, il y a pleins d'autres endroit où ils pourront socialiser.
    Je ne suis pas ta mère, ni ton copin , mais je t'encourage à suivre tes propres choix. Tant que tu es heureuse là dedans c'est l'important, fiches-toi de ce que les gens autour , négatif, te disent. Et c'est vrai que le concepte du québec est un peu comme sa... tu vie ta vie à toi tu t'es pas laisser embarquer dans le moule et c'est magnifique j'en suis certaine !

    attention à vous ( toi et ta famille ) :)


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I'm a 23 yr old mommy of two little pixies, sharing my life with my best friend. We live in La Belle Province, French is our first language. In the middle of nursing and caring for a toddler's need, I sew, draw, paint, and take pictures to tell. We also struggle to live an healthy life, apparently surrounded by people that doesn't care much, and we're on budget, too!


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